Life's ups and Downs

This past week has been a pretty tough and traumatic one for me. The option of voluntary redunancy was offered at work to those who had really had enough. Let's be honest, I thought I had, and even went as far as getting the figures and putting my hand up. Work has been hell, stressful long hours a relationship destroyed at home and no real life to speak of, I was on the verge of getting off the merry-go-round.
Cut to Ide Hill in Kent's north Downs, approach this hill from the south and it drags on for several kilometres, winding up the side of the escarpement that marks the beginning of The Weald.

I start out ok, always steady constant rythmn about 90rpm on the pedals, then it kicks up a little, into false flat then upwards ever upwards. The head wind makes the going harder and the sun dries the sweat on my face turning my skin to sandpaper, every rub of my gloves a stinging reminder of the effort. To keep my rythmn, I stand up and drive at the pedals, the bike leaps forward, until the effort of my heart deafens my ears, my vision clouds and I sit, the hill seems to suck me backwards. All the while thinking about getting off, giving up or turning round and going the easy way. But I fight on, standing, sitting, weaving, swaying, my legs weary, muscles crying out for a break in the gradient. Suddenly your arrive at the top, the road widens in the bend and the reward for your efforts is laid before you, the Weald of Kent, lit through clouds with sun beams highlighting the waters of Bough Beach reservoir, dappling the fields with golden light and giving a sense of fulfilment after the stress.

It was looking back on this ride that made me - at 4 minutes to deadline of midnight - write an email to my boss saying that I would stay in my current, to fight on through the stress and pain because I am sure that a good thing will come of it. I know this decision has caused some of my friends to resent and reject my progress and others to look at me and say that I did the right thing. I know that I can only go my way through this life I know my way isn't always right and that some look on and shake their heads but I only know one way to live my life and that is to fight, battle and strive for the unreachable goals. To my friends, and one in particular, who doubt my decision, I say that for every ounce of love and support you have shown me I am truly grateful, I only hope that you dont have to turn round and say "I told you so."To those who continue to support me I thank you from the bottom of my heart.