Monday 19 July 2010

L'etape du tour

The result of a day on the road
- hot, tired, exhausted

Lying by the side of the road half way up the Col du Tourmalet was not how I had planned this event. My thighs were cramping up and the muscles stood like bow strings, my legs locked solid by the agonizing spasm. I sat up and lay back down as the spasm hit me again. The heat was intense - nearly 90 degrees away from the shade – and so far I had downed nearly 8 litres of liquid. The electrolyte fluid now made me gag, the sickly-sweet taste cloying my mouth and seemingly coating it with fur.

To get to this point I’d ridden well and hard, the climbs of the Col du Marie-Blanque and the Col du Solour were good. I’d sat in a strong group and worked well. The early climb of the Marie-Blanque was marred by a 20-minute queue as riders seemed want to walk up the first climb, but otherwise the start had gone well.

But this later agony seemed a long way from the start, where cold mist had hung in the air and a blue-velvet sky was illuminated by the soft pinks of the sunrise as 10,000 riders lined up in a pack for the 2010 L’etape du tour. I’d had no problems getting to this point, especially after a minor technical issue with my gears had been sorted by the yellow-clad knights of the road, the Mavic Neutral service bike. There had been plenty of crashes happening around me after the start, leaving riders to be bundled into ambulances or patched up and sent shakily in their way, but I had continued with the pack. The Tourmalet, the giant of the Pyrenees, had, however, bested me. The cramp kicked in, crippling my legs, as I tried to push passed a group near Bareges, a small tatty village part way up the climb. The section through the village has a gradient of around 10 per cent and as I stood in the pedals the searing pain had rendered my legs useless.

After nursing my muscles back to life I started moving again, one painful pedal stroke after another. Time stood still, the sun beat down, my arms sparkled in the light as the sun dried the sweat and salt crystals formed.

Nine kilometres to go, only nine, my thighs screamed in protest with every revolution. Silent tears escaped my stinging eyes, the smooth pedalling motion reduced to clumsy motion as I carried on, ever upwards.

Roadside supporters poured water over my head, the relief welcome but oh-so fleeting. Children, unable to reach up high enough, poured it on my legs and my shoes squelched. Loud music pumped from caravans and motor homes, flags of every nationality were on display and the new black road surface was daubed with the names of cycling gods. It all blurred into a loud, colourful swirl.

Then I could feel my legs being punched by someone: an elderly lady was holding my feet up and wobbling my legs as my bike lay beside me Where the hell was I and why was I staring at the sky? “You 'ave zee cramps" she stated. Wordlessly I mouthed “yes”. She continued her work as I yelped and winced. Her husband smiled at me and said: "She is good, yes? Her 'ands are like magic, non?". I laughed at the indignity and the surreal nature of my predicament. "You 'ave four kilometres to go" she said, holding up eight fingers ... no four ... no eight. I shook my head – it was definitely four fingers. “Go now, fly like the wind,” she urged. I sat on the bike, her husband held me upright and with the strength of a thousand men pushed me up the road to get me started.


I battled every pedal rev over the last 4km arguing with my feeble legs. Eventually I rounded the last hairpin to be greeted by the final insult that the Tourmalet saves for you - a 15 per cent ramp to the finish. My body rallied itself for the finish, summoning up reserves from a deep part me of me I’ve never tapped into before and I rolled over the line. This had been a battle royal. The mountain had won this one, I think, but at least I’d reached the top in almost one piece.

Of the 10,000 starters only 6500 finished. This was a brutal ride, the heat and height seeing many off. But those that finished, in whatever state or time, can be proud to have taken on the giant and, if not beaten it, at least to have gotten through it.

Saturday 17 July 2010

Fashion police

Let’s face it the French are a stylish lot so, when in France image matters. It’s important to look right and nowhere does it matter more than on a bike!

Look at the pro teams. Everything works together, jersey, shorts, helmets and frame colour. Although the current Footon-Servetto-Fuji kit of pale gold and black that makes their riders look naked is just so wrong.

With the weight of the fashionistas on my mind I have carefully chosen my outfit for the Etape. I’m riding for the multiple sclerosis society and they have their own colour scheme – it’s orange! I scoured the fashion magazines to see what might work with orange to find that, strangely, the fashion world ignores this particular hue. With a lack of inspiration I turned to fashion god Gok Wan. I studied his programme How to Look Good Naked and listened to his advice. “Choose clothes that flatter your frame,” he advises. Luckily I chose the Cervelo R3 frame which is white: it won’t clash with the orange jersey, thankfully.

After much head scratching and digging around in sports shops I’ve put together the perfect team kit and I’ve paid attention to the detailing and accessories, just as Gok Wan says I should. The orange and black jersey is set against black Assos shorts (which incidentally have an orange chamois), Nike black socks with orange detailing (so anti-euro rules!), a white cat-like whisper plus helmet (ironically I waited 9 months for it but if I’d wanted the orange one it would have arrived next day!) The all important shades are the Oakley jawbones in white with orange lenses. Hopefully I will look the part, although I’m worried that when my face goes purple with effort I will be putting in to get over the mountains it will clash horribly with my kit!







Friday 16 July 2010

The Etape du Tour

Caffeine helps me widens my eyes as I stumble from the front door to the waiting taxi. The first stage of this year's etape is the most hideous sleep-deprived amble, lacking strength, feeling and any joy. Gatwick, boarding card, smile blindly at the security camera, then shoes off, belt off, all my pockets emptied and through without a beep. Then its to the gate. Twenty six minutes, pretty swift from home to gate, all the while being comatose.

Back to Biarritz, former home to black-tied high rollers and now the entry point for etape cyclists. The plane is full of us, hawk nosed and all a little too thin. Tanlines in the shape of Oakleys mark us as not tourists.

It's funny that in two days time we will be joined in suffering as we slog our way up the mountains of the Pyrenees, fearfully looking over our shoulders for the broom wagon to eliminate us. Yet at the gate no one utters even the slightest word.

During the transfer silent hellos are nodded between strangers, gradually the odd word breaks through, and slowly, united by the language of cycling, nervous chatter fills the coach. All the questions are the same: "How bad, how high, how hard, how hot?". We are all stuck on repeat, but repetition brings reassurance: we are all in it together.

I'm itching to ride, to feel the twitch of my bike beneath me. Feel the acceleration as it takes flight and the sheer joy as it blends with my body, locked in our metronome world, the beat in rythmn with the pain in my muscles. Then there is that release on the other side where your body and mind seperate to battle each other, mortal enemies in the war of self-imposed attrition that is the Etape du Tour.

Friday 2 July 2010

Day 5: Prades to Cerbere (half day)

Me on the beach at Cerbere

It took a while to wake my body up this morning. Lots of stretching and a generous helping of Simon Lamb's famous Rosso oil seemed to break through the aches and pains that four days of hard riding has left me with.

The final breakfast was a wonderful buffet of cooked meats, cheese and freshly baked croissants, washed down with the most wonderful coffee.

There were other Raiders at the hotel - about 20 in total - some from South Africa others from Ireland. We all wore our euro/pro tan lines with pride (pictured left). Bob and I were keen to get underway and hit the road shortly before 8.30am. We had to be done by 1.30pm to be inside the 100 hours total set out in the rules of the Raid. I set the early pace with Bob tucked in behind me and every 10kms we would swap over. We flashed through pretty Mediterranean villages, all the houses different shades of terracotta, window boxes filled with geraniums, old ladies sweeping their steps and market traders setting up their stalls. Children waved as we shot passed and called "allez, allez" then laughed to their friends.

The road rolled on ahead and our pace never slowed, we were on a mission to burn through the last 94 km and finish with time to spare. Then a small speck caught my eye in the distance. It was black and it bobbed and weaved towards me. I was totally fascinated as it got bigger and bigger. The bee seemed as transfixed by me as I was by it, with our courses locked on a collision. It hit me just above my right cheek and by some weird reaction became wedged in my sunglasses. It buzzed angrily. I panicked and flapped, weaving wildly, trying to free my glasses to release the bee. I felt a sharp pain as the little blighter stung me right below my eyebrow. After much fuss and flapping of hands we were able to continue.


We stopped for water and fresh apricots in Bages then back on the bikes. The traffic got heavier as we approached St Cyprien and headed towards Argeles-sur-Mer. It's the beginning of the French holidays and the cars queued through the towns, so we weaved our way through the foul fuel-filled streets. Once free of the holiday town we started the last climb of our journey, the short but quite steep Cap l'Abeille. It was on this climb that three riders from the group who had shared our hotel caught us, then two others passed us.

We gave chase and the final run in became a sprint for the sleepy village of Cerbere. The first three were just too fast for us but we hauled the other two in and shot down the hill to the finish line.

There was no fanfare, no dancing girls, no loved ones to share this moment. I could feel the anticlimax sweep over me as I shook Bob's hand on the seafront. Two old French men in caps and wearing swimming trunks stopped me and one of them said something to me in very fast French. I didn't understand so I said that I was English and he replied in excellent English: "Have you come from Hendaye?". I replied that I had. "Over how many days", he asked. "Four and a half," I answered. He turned to his friend and reeled off the translation. His friend looked at me and grabbed my shoulder and said "chapeau!". I almost cried. Here were two strangers who were excited and full of congratulations after hearing about my achievement. My feeling of anticlimax vanished instantly. France and the French love cycling and cycling endeavours, no matter what your ability. They recognise the personal effort and sacrifice that you've made to make the journey.


The End: Me, Nick and Bob

DAY 5 STATISTICS
Distance 94km
Time 3 hours 15 minutes
Max speed 60kph
Avg speed 29kph
Ascent 549m
Calories 2568


Thursday 1 July 2010

Day 4: Massat to Prades

Mid way up the Col du Puymorens


From the minute we started in the fog-shrouded hills around Massat I knew it was going to be a long, tough day in the saddle. Derek, man of the I-can-go-anywhere-at-40kph mentality, joined us to see us off.

We started the 12km climb of the the Col de Port and set a steady pace up the mountain. Bob soon fell off the back and although we slowed up he couldn't muster the strength to catch us up. I hung on grimly and reached the summit stuck to Derek's back wheel in just 50 minutes. Bob arrived shortly after.

We said our goodbyes to Derek and set off down the descent. Everything hurt. There is nothing eventful or beautiful about the N20 road: it just serves to get you there. Where? God only knows and to be fair I don't care. With Bob struggling, I sat on the front shielding him from the wind and just keeping tempo, that was all I could do. I'm quite sure someone removed my saddle in the night as it felt like a razorblade.

Through Ax-les-Thermes, then the start of the Col de Puymorens introduces itself with a sharp ramp. It then sets out on a war of attrition, attacking your body and mind. At 25km with a gradient of about 6 per cent it's not hard but it goes on and on and on. It saps every ounce of strength and will power out of you. I hated it. The sun beat down and the temperature hit 35 degrees. It was unbearable. My sweat just evaporated as it appeared, salt crystals turned my gloves and shorts to sandpaper, even my black jersey had a crust of salt on it, making it unbearable to wear.

Eventually after an hour and 47 minutes we made it to the top. I felt broken. There was no beautiful cafe or stunning view, just a derelict lift station, a broken and decrepit building and two Dutch tourists. We couldn't leave fast enough.

The descent to Bourg-Madame was lovely though and all 27 km of it helped to restore my body, but only for a short while. About 20km from our last climb, I literally fell apart. I was thirsty and couldn't drink enough, my legs wouldn't go, my feet were burning. Bob started to shelter me from the relentless wind. I could go no further, we stopped at a shady picnic table and waited for Nick. I threw my shoes aside and lay on my back listening to my heart racing inside my head. I was in a bit of trouble. I needed to eat and drink but I felt sick. I forced down a chicken sandwich and a piece of apple pie, a litre of water and half a tomato.

Bob looked ready, so with a lot of whinging I got back on the bike. I felt dreadful, even more sick. We had 15km of climbing to do and Bob led valiantly into the wind as the road tilted up to the Col de Rigat, then after a short dip up to the Col De La Perche. I counted the white lines, then how many times my wheel turned over. My vision was blurry. I had to try and get more out of myself. I stood up on the pedals and sat down as quickly. I tried again. Push, push, push. I started to get on top of my wimpish state as we neared the top of the Col De La Perche.

From there it was 3km to Mont-Louis and I decided to help Bob by trying to get in front and shelter him as a payback for his earlier help. We worked together for the last bit of uphill and started the descent to Prades and our hotel.

It's 36km from Mont-Louis to Prades and 35 are downhill - what a reward for the pain and suffering. Charging down the road laid with new tarmac, through hairpin bends so beautifully cambered that I barely touched the brakes, and weaving through the cars at 70kph was totally exhilarating. The joy stopped twice for road works and was a little hindered by the headwind but it was a beautiful end to a hard, horrid day.


DAY 4 STATISTICS
Distance 167km
Ascent 2705m
Time 7:08
Calories 5987
Max speed 74.7kph
Avg speed 23.4kph
Avg cadence 82
Max cadence 155rpm